When To Say Yes And When To Say No

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The Power of Yes and No: Living with Intentionality

Have you ever stopped to consider how much power lies in two simple words: yes and no? These small responses shape our days, our relationships, and ultimately, our entire lives. Yet many of us struggle to use them wisely.
There's a fascinating concept to consider: What would happen if you said yes to absolutely everything? It might sound liberating at first, but the reality would be chaos. You'd be overwhelmed, pulled in countless directions, and ultimately unable to fulfill any commitment well. Saying yes to everything means saying yes to things that contradict each other, that harm us, and that pull us away from what truly matters.
The same holds true spiritually. Learning when to say yes and when to say no is one of the most critical skills in the Christian life.

The Freedom to Choose

Scripture tells us we are called to freedom—but not freedom to indulge every impulse or desire. Rather, it's freedom to serve one another in love. This is the paradox of Christian liberty: true freedom comes not from doing whatever we want, but from choosing what aligns with God's design for our lives.
Galatians 5 lays this out beautifully, contrasting the acts of the flesh with the fruit of the Spirit. On one side, we see sexual immorality, hatred, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, and drunkenness. On the other, we find love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
These aren't just random lists of do's and don'ts. They represent two completely different ways of living—two paths that lead to vastly different destinations.

What to Say No To

The things we're called to reject aren't arbitrary restrictions meant to steal our joy. They're warnings about what will actually destroy us.
Uncontrolled anger and fits of rage make us miserable to be around and rob us of peace. Whether we're the person who "sees red" and loses all reason, or the one who calculates revenge in cold anger, uncontrolled anger is dangerous and destructive.
Sexual immorality—any sexual activity outside God's design of marriage between a man and woman—may be celebrated in our culture, but it violates the sacred boundaries God established for our protection and flourishing.
Debauchery (a word we rarely use today) refers to excessive, unrestrained indulgence: heavy drinking, wild partying, drugs, promiscuity, and complete disregard for moral standards. Our culture's mantra of "if it feels good, do it" stands in direct opposition to the call to self-control.
Idolatry is anything we prioritize above God—and in our modern world, idols abound. Career, relationships, entertainment, comfort, or even our own image can become false gods we serve.
We're also called to say no to hatred, jealousy, selfish ambition, and unwholesome talk. This last one deserves special attention. Nothing unwholesome should come from our mouths. Not swearing, not crude jokes, not gossip or slander. Our words should build others up, not tear them down.
For many believers, this is where change becomes most visible. When someone stops using foul language, stops making inappropriate jokes, and starts speaking words of encouragement instead, people notice. It's often the first sign that God is doing something real in a person's life.

What to Say Yes To

While the list of things to avoid might seem daunting, the list of what to embrace is life-giving.
Say yes to worship—not just on Sunday mornings, but as a lifestyle of adoring God in every moment.
Say yes to love—the kind of sacrificial, unconditional love that Christ demonstrated when He died for us while we were still sinners. This includes loving even those who hurt us.
Say yes to the fruit of the Spirit: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These qualities don't just make us better Christians; they make life genuinely better.
Say yes to God's will—both the general will He reveals in Scripture (to love others, to share the gospel, to make disciples) and the specific direction He gives to you personally through the Holy Spirit.
Say yes to integrity—living the same way whether anyone is watching or not. There's a powerful story of a woman who found a wallet with $1,700 while she only had $118 to her name. Despite the temptation and her genuine need, she turned it in. Later that same day, she found another wallet with a large sum. Again, she did the right thing, even though the first person hadn't shown any gratitude. That's integrity—doing what's right because it matters to you and to God, regardless of recognition or reward.
Say yes to encouraging others. A smile, a kind word, a genuine compliment—these simple acts are like honey to the soul. They heal, uplift, and brighten someone's day in ways we often underestimate.

Let Your Yes Be Yes

Matthew 5 offers fascinating wisdom about making promises. We're told not to swear oaths, but simply to let our yes be yes and our no be no. Why? Because we can't foresee the future. We make promises with the best intentions, but circumstances change. When we can't follow through, we create pain for ourselves and others.
Instead, our word should be enough. We shouldn't need to invoke God's name or swear on our mother's grave to be believed. Our character should be such that when we say we'll do something, people trust us—and when we say we won't, they believe that too.
The Path Forward
This isn't about achieving perfection overnight. We all struggle. We all fail. Even the Apostle Paul admitted doing the things he didn't want to do while failing to do the things he knew he should.
But here's the beautiful truth: growth comes through practice. No athlete becomes skilled without training. No musician masters their instrument without countless hours of practice. And no Christian develops self-control and godly character without intentional effort—empowered by the Holy Spirit.
The key is to start now. Not tomorrow, not when circumstances are better, not when you feel more ready. The devil works subtly, getting us to compromise on small things until the big things we swore we'd never do suddenly don't seem like such a big deal.
But when we make decisions in advance about how we'll live—when we determine beforehand what we'll say yes to and what we'll say no to—we're prepared when temptation comes. We're like someone who's learned to use a fire extinguisher before the fire starts, rather than trying to figure it out in the heat of the moment.

A Life of Freedom

Ultimately, this isn't about following rules. It's about choosing a lifestyle that draws us closer to God and brings genuine fulfillment. The things we're called to avoid are things that would harm us and lead us away from Him. The things we're called to embrace are things that bring life, joy, and peace.
What we say yes to and what we say no to reveals what truly matters to us. These choices shape our character, influence those around us, and determine the trajectory of our lives.
The question isn't whether you'll be perfect. You won't be. None of us will. The question is: Does it matter enough to you to try? To seek God's help? To practice saying yes to the right things and no to the wrong things?
Because as long as you're breathing, you have the opportunity to choose. And there's no better time than right now to say yes to God and no to the things that would pull you away from Him.